It’s completely understandable to feel nervous or shy sometimes in social settings, especially when you’re in a new environment or meeting a lot of new people at once.

 

Sometimes these feelings are so powerful that they interfere with our ability to actually show up in these situations as ourselves (or even at all). Social anxiety might show up as an intense fear of judgment, embarrassment, or scrutiny from others. 

 

People with social anxiety may worry excessively about what others think about them or assume that others are thinking the worst of them or even that they will take steps to humiliate them, causing them to avoid social situations altogether.

 

If you’re struggling with social anxiety and looking for better ways to cope, this blog might give you some helpful tools to get started.

 

Acknowledge the Impact

 

Social anxiety can impact various aspects of life, from personal relationships to career opportunities. It can create barriers to forming meaningful connections, limit networking possibilities, and hinder personal growth. And, it can just be straight up brutal to live with. 

 

Acknowledging the impact of social anxiety is an essential step towards breaking free from its grip. What opportunities has social anxiety taken away from you? What makes you want to conquer your social anxiety?

 

Challenge Negative Thought Patterns

 

At the core of social anxiety are negative thought patterns and self-doubt. These thoughts often focus on imagined worst-case scenarios and harsh self-criticism. 

 

When we are surrounded with lots of unknowns and uncertainty (which is naturally the case in social situations since people are unpredictable), sometimes we fill in the blanks. And unfortunately, with social anxiety the blanks get filled in with the worst possible things we can think of.

 

While it might feel impossible to dismiss these negative thoughts completely, consider how realistic or likely it is that they will actually be true. For every negative possibility your brain throws at you, imagine an equally likely positive or even neutral possibility.

 

Practice Mindfulness in Social Settings

 

Mindfulness techniques can be powerful tools for managing social anxiety. Being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment can reduce anxious feelings, because rather than worrying and making guesses about the future, you are focussing on what information you have in the present. 

 

Social anxiety also often manifests in physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweating, or trembling. Learning relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can help manage these physical manifestations and reduce overall anxiety levels.

 

Gradual Exposure (baby steps!) 

 

Gradual exposure is a proven therapeutic technique for confronting and overcoming social anxiety. As you repeatedly expose yourself to these situations, you will gradually desensitize yourself to anxiety triggers and build confidence.

 

Start small. Think of the smallest step you could take that would bring about some anxiety for you, but perhaps an amount that might feel manageable. This step works best with a trained professional, because then together you can create a personalized exposure plan that allows you to face social situations at a pace you feel comfortable with while having the support of someone who can help you regulate any distress that comes up.

 

Build Social Skills 

 

As stated previously, anxiety can come about due to unknowns and uncertainty and being focussed on the future. It can also come from a lack of preparedness or skills in the present. 

 

Social skills such as active listening, assertiveness, asking questions, eye contact,and small talk can increase your confidence in showing up in social situations.  

 

Focus on What You Can Control

 

In addition to doing all that you can to build your social skills and manage how you show up in social situations, it’s important to remind yourself that you have no control over how others perceive you. You can show up the best way that you’re able to, but others are entitled to whatever feelings, thoughts, and perceptions they have, and you can only influence that so much.

 

This can come with a level of freedom–you can’t control what others think or do, so there’s no need to put pressure on yourself to show up a certain way! 

 

Focus on showing up in a way that you can feel proud of, and every step of progress deserves celebration and acknowledgement. 

 

Remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, and progress may come in waves. If you’re struggling with social anxiety, consider seeking out the support of a professional who can help validate your feelings, challenge your negative thoughts, teach you social and coping skills, and celebrate your progress alongside you.